We recently wrote that many restaurants near Rockefeller Center dramatically raise their prices when the Christmas Tree is up, so you can wait an hour or more for the privilege of paying $28 for a mediocre hamburger and fries. With the Brickyard a mere 8 minute walk from the tree, you can be sitting down to eat 52 minutes earlier than at those other places, enjoying our outstanding food at regular menu prices, and enjoying a 10% discount on your check if you can prove you visited the tree that day.
We set no standard for proof of a tree visit, encouraging creativity instead. Some people have risen to this challenge, while others prefer guidelines. To appease the latter group, we offer:
Ten Pieces of Evidence You Visited the Tree Today
10. The Tree.
We’ve measured carefully, and we think the base will fit neatly in our front door, if we open all the front panels. We’ll light part of the tree for heat, turning it into the mother-of-all yule logs. The top of the tree will block traffic on 9th Avenue, and the stranded motorists will keep our place full for weeks. So if you bring the tree with you, we’ll offer the deal for everyone the whole Christmas season, because by visiting the Brickyard, you’ll de facto be visiting the tree. On the downside, we may have to remove our 24 taps of world-class craft beer to make room for the tree, so, in the interests of our craft beer devotees, a more sensible piece of evidence may be:
9. The lights from the tree.
Our customers love our understated décor, with exposed brick and bare light bulbs hanging from the ceiling. We’ve thought about making it more festive for the holidays, and five miles of lights would go a long way in that regard. On the other hand, our electric bill may skyrocket, so another possibility is that you could bring:
8. The security guard who tried to stop you from stealing the lights from the tree.
We know you are crafty enough to get away clean with the lights, but maybe instead you could just pretend to steal them, and then grab the first guard who tries to stop you, fling him over your shoulder, carry him to the Brickyard, and make him attest to your attendance at the tree. This will make derelict in his duties for a bit, so in the interests of public safety, perhaps we would accept:
7. The hat of the security guard who tied to stop you from stealing the lights from the tree.
This will go along way to proving you were in Rockefeller Center, but won’t necessarily prove you were at the tree, and tonight, so make sure the rim of the heat is soaked with perspiration, and has a fresh pine needle or two from when you wrestled the guard to the ground to get it. We don’t want to discriminate against those who lack the strength and agility to wrestle a guard to the ground, so we’ll accept in lieu of the hat:
6. A picture of your whole group trying to wrestle a guard to the ground to steal his hat.
We won’t penalize you for failing, but we can’t accept not even trying. Now we realize that some timid souls may fear it difficult to get away with any nefarious behavior near the tree, so perhaps you could instead try to nab:
5. The Ice Rink, including the Statue of Prometheus
Because the front of our pub is a spot for serious sports watching, and the back room has a quieter, more sophisticated dining vibe, we haven’t found the right spot for recreational sports. But if we came into possession of a world famous ice rink, we’ll find room for it. As for the statute, well, with a name like “Prometheus,” we think it will seriously amp up the sophistication level of the backroom. If you’re just too cowardly to try to grab an ice rink full of people, we have a much simpler alternative:
4. The Lego Model of Rockefeller Center on Display at the Lego store.
This would make a nice conversation piece on our bar, wouldn’t it? If you’re thinking about taking the easy way out by simply purchasing the necessary pieces and building it yourself, perhaps you could instead build a scale Lego model of the Brickyard Gastropub. It will get you the deal, even if it won’t prove you went to the tree tonight; for that, you might consider bringing:
3. A picture of your whole group in front of the tree, with today’s newspaper, clearly showing the date.
We needed at least one option for people whose idea of being daring is watching movies about kidnapping.
In the holiday spirit of inclusiveness, we will also offer two alternatives for people who don’t even know where the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree is:
2. Ed Koch.
This week Mayor Bloomberg announced the city was re-naming the 59th St. Bridge in honor of Mayor Edward Koch, our favorite politician ever, who presided over this great city for 12 years. Koch was thrilled, calling the bridge a “workhorse, just like me.” What does this have to do with visiting the tree? Nothing. But we’ve never met this giant among men, and we’d love to, so if you bring Ed Koch with you, whether walking alongside you or slung over your shoulder, you’ll get 10% off your check.
Can we be honest with you? Though we’ve offered 9 easy ways thus far, we are honestly hoping with all our heart that you choose easy way number one, which is to bring into The Brickyard Gastropub with you:
1. Natalie Portman.
Again, you might ask, what does this have to do with visiting the tree? And again, we might reply, have you seen Natalie Portman in Black Swan, and what tree are you talking about? Bring Natalie Portman with you and you’ll most definitely get 10% off your check, and we’ll probably even buy you an after-dinner drink; anything to keep Natalie in the restaurant as long as we can.
So there you have it – ten easy, painless ways to prove you visited the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree today, and then were smart enough to avoid the tourist-trapping, price-inflating, time-wasting restaurants near Rockefeller Center, and walk a few avenues and blocks to one of the best restaurants in New York, where we not only don’t raise our prices for Christmas, but also offer a 10% discount to anyone who brings with them the tree, its lights, a guard, his hat, an ice rink, a picture of one or more of the above, Ed Koch or Natalie Portman.